Calico: Not a Destination

Calico is a place that you casually stop at on the way to your destination, like Vegas or Utah. However, Danny did not understand this because when he was growing up ... this was the destination for him. His family would pack up the car and drive to Calico. Danny and I were heading out to Utah this fall and we decided that we should stop by and see if it was as amazing as we had remembered it to be as little kids...it was not. When we got to Calico, there was really nothing there. It was so hot, and all the people were really weird. There were a lot of tank tops, and faded denim ... and those were the men. We did get some pretty neat pictures though. The little school they have was a bit creepy, but it was neat to see how small the desks used to be, since now kids need just a table to function as a desk and a king sized plastic chair. Which is really messed up because existentially the table wants to function as a table and not a desk. Its essence is to be a table and not a desk, and so it must act as a table ... but fat kids force us to use the table as a desk! Which is not its purpose! So the table is forced to be something it was never meant to be!! Stupid fat kids. Ok I got side tracked ... Calico is a great place to put out a beach chair, slap on some tanning oil, and soak up the rays, other than that it is just a place to stop by. 15 min at the most, and then continue on to your destination.

My 2009 Grammy Wrap Up

So the Grammy's were WAY too long for me to actually watch all the way through (Since as you can see from my picture above, I was partying with MK all night), but I did fast forward through what I considered the boring stuff, and watched what I felt was necessary ... this is what I gathered as my 2009 Grammy experience:

• Was Whitney Houston high?? She seemed like her old "Aw Hell to the NO" self from Bobby and Whitney (allegedly). She looked gorgeous, but was a hot ass mess up there.

• Carrie Underwood is gorgeous! I loved everything about her tonight ... except for the hair, it was kind of frizzy.

• Miley Cyrus is retarded. I don't know why she talks like a 40 year-old smoker, I don't know why she dances like she is having an epileptic seizure, and I don't know why the adorable Taylor Swift had her sing with her. She tried to high jack the performance with her awkward moves and loud/obnoxious voice. Ew.

• Katy Perry's song "I kissed a girl" is so damn catchy, too bad I sound like a lesbian singing it.

• Was Kanye West sporting a mullet? Like an afro-mullet if you will? It was very 80's of him.

• Duffy is a bit full of herself, no? I mean she got a little pushy with Rev. Al Green. She was totally trying to out sing him ... nice try little girl.

• What on earth is under Kenny Chesney's hat?? And why does he look like a hamster that fell face first onto a botox injection?

• Who the hell are Robert Plant & Alison Krauss? Was he they guy that played the wrestler in that movie about the wrestler? Is that his daughter? And why did they win all the Grammys?

• It was kind of brutal to have to watch Queen Latifa say "Rap Pack" ... then my TV went black and white. I spent the next couple of min hitting my TV, until I began to fast forward and realized it was just a retarded artistic choice ... just like Kanyes mullet.

• It was a little disturbing watching MIA do pelvic thrusts with her ginormous prego belly, and I didn't need to know that she was due to have her baby that night Kate. I am pretty sure I saw its head crowning with all her awkward hip movements.

• Who were the trannies playing with Sir Paul McCartney? One of them had a beard, it was confusing. And WHY was there a stuffed animal kitten on top of the amp? I hope it was never alive. I am sure PETA will have something to say about that.

• John Mayer is a douche bag

• I wonder if LL Cool J has really chapped lips all the time, I mean he is constantly licking them. They have got to get chapped. No lip could withstand that much saliva.

• I think Gwenyth Paltrow got a contact high from whatever Whitney was smoking (allegedly) because she was painful to watch introduce Radiohead.

• The last hour was like pulling teeth. I don't need to see Neil Diamond strut his stuff, i think he thought he was in Vegas, and not singing one song at the Grammy's.

• Seriously, John Mayer, stop appearing on my TV. You have this really creepy vibe.

• That was nice that they let the guy from the Wrestler sing at the Grammy's with his daughter. Seriously though, why can I barely hear them when they sing? Am I deaf? Did I sit on the volume button on my remote control? Or are they whispering into the mics?

• Why did the Krauss woman have the wind blowing in her hair while she was singing? I almost fast forwarded through their performance because I thought it was an Herbal Essence commercial ... (the same thing happened with Katy Perry's performance, except I thought they were bringing back the Chiquita Banana commercials and got excited and stopped it ... only to realize it was that damn catchy song! I sounded like a lesbian the rest of the night)

• I can't believe the guy from the wrestler and his daughter won the album of the year. A Grammy and an Oscar nom in the same year? Crazy! Too bad I couldn't hear the woman's speech because she speaks freakishly soft.

• While the Wrestler and friends were giving their speeches the music started to cut them off! Give them a break Grammys! These people just won the album of the year, now I don't know who they are either, but they deserve to finish their "thank you" speeches.

Well, that was my Grammy experience. I would like to thank TiVo because there was no way I would be able to sit through that for three and a half hours. Thirty min is all the Grammy I need. I would like to thank God, my family, my amazing boyfriend, and everyone who reads my blogs!

The Pact...

So, my friends Jenny and Ashley are going to Israel for two weeks on an archaeological dig in June. Well, in order for them to travel safely, and blend in the professor in charge told them that they would have to cover their heads (they are both super super blond). So, Jenny and Ashley decided that they would dye their hair brown before they went, but in order for them not to burst into tears when they do it, me and another one of Jenny's friends are all going to go brown! They say that you should always diet in groups with your friends so you have a support group that is going through the same exact thing as you. The same should be don't when dying ones hair to drastic colors! I don't think I will go as dark as they will go, but I am excited to try a new look. They do not leave until June, so I have plenty of time to back out until then! Ha ha ha ha. Maybe I will look for a dark blond, or a golden color like Jennifer Aniston. OR maybe a Carrie Bradshaw color! So many options, good thing I have like 6 months to look for the perfect color!
PS: I already dyed my hair brown a couple of years ago...but I did it myself while Jenny was in Paris (Jenny is also my hair stylist) and it turned GREEN! Anywho after Jenny came back from Paris TWO WEEKS LATER she fixed it to the color in the picture above (in the picture with me is Ashley, a member of the pact!). However, I do not remember anything from those months of my life when I had dark hair. It is like I completely suppressed all those memories. Man, those were dark times. Hopefully this time will be different since I have a support group all doing the same thing.

Seasonal Depression

I know it was only not sunny for about two days, but it felt like a life time!! I need the sun in my life. I felt like my tan was fading, and fading quick! I had 10 days of color built up and BAM all of the sudden winter decided to show itself. I am glad that the sun is now back, and showing those rain clouds who's the boss! Today I laid out with my friend Erika, and it was AMAAZZING! We just fell asleep under the warm embracing rays of the sun. There is nothing better than laying out all day and smelling like fried chicken. Addicted? Maybe, actually absolutely. I am totally, utterly, and completely addicted to the sun. I must be tan at all times. Some of you might ask...but Emilia, aren't you scared of getting skin cancer?? HA! I laugh in the face of skin cancer! I mean, if you are going to get cancer, you might as well get skin cancer, that way you die looking tan and fabulous (you have permission to read this at my funeral if/when I do indeed die from skin cancer). I get my moles checked out regularly by my dermy. We are BFF. I have gotten so many removed, and they all come back fine. I figure at this rate I can have all my moles removed by the time I am 40, because they say that is when skin cancer begins to show itself. Sunscreen doesn't even help anymore! I was reading an article that said that some sunscreens actually cause MORE free radicals than no sunscreen at all. So, they advised to wear sunscreen that has antioxidants in it. Or to put on an antioxidant lotion nightly and then wear sunscreen in the morning (I guess antioxidants last about 4 days on your skin or something like that). ANYWHO I guess no one is safe! I might as well get a nice deep tan. I am all about global warming, and let that hole in the ozone layer get bigger. That way my tan can come quicker and deeper! Yes tans!

The Jerk-Loser Breed

A recent little tiff with this guy I know sparked a slue of memories from back in my dating life (**Disclaimer** this post has nothing to do with that guy, just in case he reads this...which he won't because he claimed my blog put him to sleep, so obviously he was at the wrong blog). Anywho! Why is it that guys can be total dicks to girls, I mean they can be rude and disrespectful, and as soon as a girl bites back she is labeled the "bitch" or she is told to "not take things so seriously/personal." These guys are retarded (I know I shouldn't use that word, but its a funny word, and so I will continue to use it. Sue me) and the girls that put up with them are an embarrassment to women everywhere. If someone plays a prank on you, you play one back. It is a game, and I don't understand why some guys get all weirded out when a girl plays their little "I'm a sarcastic dick" game back. What am I supposedto do? Sit there and laugh about it? Tell you how much I love it when you wear your hat tilted to one angle? I think they have a word for this jerk-loser breed of men ... DoucheBags! The ones I ran into seemed to mostly reside in Utah, or at least flocked to Utah for a while. I remember when I was out in the dating scene, I'd run into these losers all the time. They would say something rude and undoubtedly retarded...AND MIND YOU it was completely unprovoked. I would be minding my own business and they would snap in with some intolerable comment. WELL I would bite back, and then alllll of the sudden they called foul play, I had an attitude problem, or I didn't know how to take a joke. If I were a guy my comments would have been greeted with laughter, and probably one of those lame high chest hand shakes that turn into a half hug, you know, the ones douchebags give each other. If a guy is a jerk to me, I will be a jerk back. I will not think you are funny, or charming. I will just think you are an A hole. This doesn't mean my feelings will be hurt...because that's the other thing that bugs me. These losers think that they have actually hurt your feelings, when in reality you are just doing the same thing they are doing to you, but they take it as hostile. I guess I always try to think of what their intentions were when saying said comment. It obviously isn't a compliment, since it is usually things like "no one will marry a girl that wears ridiculous shoes like you" (I know it is a lame example) So, I have to believe that their intentions are to belittle me, and so I come back with the same intentions. Then this happens, "WOAH! Can't you take a joke? " said the DoucheBag. YES yes I can, but what you said is not a joke, it is a comment that is made at the expense of someone else, it is unprovoked, and it is usually demeaning. So what if I like high heels, I am minding my own business. I didn't ask you if you liked my shoes, you decided to make that retarded statement on your own. Girls, if a boy is mean to you, he is not hitting on you...he is just an A HOLE, and you need to stay clear of them.

P + 4 = Complete Bore!

I am so sick of being rushed off after sacrament! I don't understand why my ward does not let us socialize! I MEEEEAAANNN! It is a freakin singles ward! Every other singles ward I've ever been to has like 15 min breaks in between classes so that we can chat it up.If I wanted to be spiritual I'd go to a home ward. How do they expect people to meet? At "linger longer"? As if! Everyone knows that all the attractive, cool people leave after sacrament! Danny and I sure do! We've got lives like all beautiful people do, we don't have time to stay for linger longer! Thank goodness I have Danny cause without him I'd probably die of boredom every Sunday. Too bad we can't ever meet any other cool people because we are shooed away to our classes every time we get the chance. Oh P4, why do you do this to us! Just let us socialize, we are young. This is the time when church is supposed to be fun! We have the rest of our lives to be in boring home wards. Just give us 18 - 30 to have fun. That is all I ask!...My venting is complete.

World Peace...

I know, the picture of me in the crown is the most amazing picture you have ever seen. I MMEEAAAN! Look at the soft glow feature I used! I've always wanted to be Miss America, at the very least Miss USA.Who hasn't? You get a gown and a bunch of roses! Not to mention the sparkly sash you get to wear. Tonight is the Miss America Pageant! I have been watching pageants since I was a little girl, I love all pageants, Miss USA, Miss Teen USA, Miss Universe, Miss America, and even Miss Hawaiian Tropics. But for the past two years, there has been this weird movement of making Miss America more "modern" I HATE that they are trying to make it hip and modern. That is an abomination to pageants everywhere! If I want to watch women parade around in fashion forward - hip and moderness I will watch the Oscars red carpet arrivals. I want to see teased hair, a pound and a half of make up, and dresses with so many stones that it can be seen from outer space! Those are the essentials of the Miss America pageant. The fact that it is outrageous makes it amAAAzing!I can see "modern and hip" in any US Weekly any day. I want big hair and fake tans, bedazzled dresses and four rows of fake lashes (speaking of which, Dancing with the Stars comes back on March 11th...that is like a pageant every week!) Bring back the true Miss America! I don't want the new modern Miss America! I want the old tranny Miss America!

Viva Las Vegas!

When Danny and I went to Vegas in the summer we discovered this amazing place thanks to our good friend Stacy. It was called the Bone Yard, and it was where all the old strip signs went to rest. I die. It was about 140 degrees and the ground below me was melting my pink jellies (Yes I own pink jellies...I also have them in clear. Don't judge me.) We took so many pictures, actually by "we" I mean Danny took my picture. He is not a big picture fan, he hates taking pictures. I practically had to threaten him to take the picture above. I posed in front of every sign! You actually have to sign a form before they take you into the bone yard saying that you will not use the pictures for profit or blah blah blah. I guess the tour guide got all worried cause he saw me taking so many pictures, luckily Stacy was able to back me up, and let him know that they would only be going on my facebook ... and now blog! It was such a fun Vegas trip! I have been to Vegas about a million times, and this trip was probably top three! A few months after our trip I was watching some music videos, and Carrie Underwood had actually filmed her "Last Name" music video in the bone yard! I felt so connected. .

I meeeaann!!!

Mi Primer "Blog" !Que Divertido!

Bueno, esta foto no tiene nada que ver con lo que estoy escribiendo, pero sentí como tenia que poner algo ahí. Cualquier tipo de foto. Esta foto la hice en mi clase de arte. El lado izquierdo es mi cara con maquillaje, y el lado derecho es mi cara sin maquillaje. No sabias? Soy un artista de fotografia ahora! ja ja. Ok, no se mucho de la vida de un "blogger" se que mis amigas tienen estos blogs y ponen cosas todos los días. Mi vida no es algo muy interesante para la gente que no sea Emilia Gazzoni. Las únicas cosa que me pasa es que siempre...y SIEMPRE cuando voy a comer a un restaurante me traían la comida incorrecta! SIEMPRE! Mi novio, Danny, (Estoy de novio para como 11 meses!) se ríe porque no puede creer que esto pasa cada ves que salimos. Al principio se enojaba, pero ahora no se puede hacer nada menos reírse! Bueno eso es todo para ahora, espero que nadie que yo sepa tenga el mismo fondo que yo, porque eso seria muy vergonzante!